I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
