so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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