Jerry, you need to find god
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
