So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
