i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize