There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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