Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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