Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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