if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
