True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
