i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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