you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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