If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
