I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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