That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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