Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize