Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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