I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
