they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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