masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
