I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
