I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
