I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
