I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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