Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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