If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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