My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize