Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
