Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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