I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
