Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
