$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
