also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
