Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
