She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
