so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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