Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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