I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
