Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize