I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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