Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
