Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
