how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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