apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize