So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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