Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
