Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
