I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
being pregnant is like rehab
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
