8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
