i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
