No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
