I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
