A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
