Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize