Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
