Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
