I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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