I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize