i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
