when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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