Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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