I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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