I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
