I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
