I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
