best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
