i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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