where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
