yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize