We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
