If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
