So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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