it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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