His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
