So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
