ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
