There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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