So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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