Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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