my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
