Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
