went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
