I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
