Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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