and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
