My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
