wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As shirtless as possible
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
