you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
