Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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