I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize