You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
