Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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