I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
