It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
