my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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