So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
