also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize