this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
