i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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