Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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