He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
