After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
